Reviewer: kyary Signed
Date: September 26 2012
Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
I think this story has potential, and is pretty good so far. One thing I like is that you seem to have a lot of different ideas for interactions (for example, when her tear hits him. there are a million stories about feet or breasts, but tears are a liquid i've almost never seen used).
I wish you'd linger a little longer on things though. Like take just a few more sentences to describe some of the "scenes". It's important in a story like this.
Also, when you say you're doing a chapter for each day with a girl, does that mean Melony will be the subject for the next 5-6 chapters before another girl, who then takes 7 chapters? I don't want to say it's a bad idea, but you might want to think about bringing in the other girls faster. And then maybe having some kind of conflict between them based on their different feelings for the shrunken boy.
I don't wanna be too negative on it. The interactions between the characters are pretty cute and should get better as the story continues.
I mean, do whatever you want. Just my thoughts. I'm still starting out as a gts writer too so I wanted to say a few stray observations.
Author's Response: The reason I started on here and started making stories was because many of the stories I've read here inspired me to write. My first stories had many flaws and were too fast, so I took the comments all together, put them in my thoughts, and BAM! This story came out. P.s. Thanks for reading and giving me your thoughts.Author's Response: The reason I started on here and started making stories was because many of the stories I've read here inspired me to write. My first stories had many flaws and were too fast, so I took the comments all together, put them in my thoughts, and BAM! This story came out. P.s. Thanks for reading and giving me your thoughts.