Reviewer: Casanova Signed
Date: July 01 2015
Title: Chapter 1: Laundry Day
Inwiththebooks, this is a fantastic story you've written, one of those rare ones on GiantessWorld that perfectly blends porn and plot. I have to echo what others have said and heavily compliment you on the great characters you've written. Both Velia and Alatha seem like real people that I might actually meet one day. You do a great job of making their thoughts and interactions both lifelike and compelling, and that's what really drives the story. Excellent job!
The only area of improvement I can see revolves around the Super and Villain aspects of the story. Don't get me wrong, everything so far is really good, particularly the interplay between the fiery villain and our more timid heroine. The fact that Alatha is an actual criminal makes everything just a bit spicier. However, my worry is that as the plot gets more complex, things will become much more difficult to explain away. You might want to gloss over some of the details as opposed to making a patchwork of reasons and excuses for why something implausible might be the case. For instance, you were veering dangerously into the incredible (as in, breaking my suspension of disbelief) when you mentioned that Alatha didn't have any fear of police coming after her because they "had bigger fish to fry." Something about her just strutting around in broad daylight didn't ring true with me, but you only mentioned it in passing, so it didn't take me out of the story too much. Don't write yourself into a needlessly intricate plot-corner, is what I'm saying. Just something to watch out for.
All-in-all though, I can't remember the last time I was so hooked on a story here on GiantessWorld. Your prose and skill are polished enough that I feel like I'm reading a published book as opposed to some smut online. Added bonus -- I used to live in New Orleans! Knowing firsthand how hot and humid it gets in NOLA, I imagine that Alatha's feet will be quite sweaty and gross... if you catch my drift... ehehe... (Seriously, moar feet!)
Author's Response: Thank you for the review! Always good to hear from one that enjoys the story. Hopefully I can keep it so that you'll continue to enjoy it!
Ah, I do see your point there. Hmm... possibly might be a good idea to focus on more difficulties that might come from what Alatha is. I'll keep close in mind for the future chapters to come! Best not to lose that bit of spice.
I have a few relatives from there and have visited it a few times, so my knowledge of the city will be pretty basic haha, though I'm glad that you liked that little detail! I thought about making it a nameless city but figured that would be no fun. As far as the sweat, I imagine that would be a problem! (Now, now, all in good time.) :p
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