Reviewer: Michalecs Signed 

Date: July 29 2014
Title: Chapter 1: A wish that fucked my life
I'm going to offer what I think is a constructive review here. You have a lot of ideas, and that's really what is at the core of being a writer. That, and being persistent. One final key to being a good writer is being open to improvement. The only way to improve is for you to discover what could be improved in your writing. So here goes:
Check over your story for context and proper wording. For example "I just took a deep breathe and started climbing my sisters foot." Would be more properly handled thusly. "I just took a deep breath and started climbing my sister's foot."
You are firing off your story in short bursts, with skips and jumps. If you read a well constructed story, you should be able to imagine it as a movie or TV show. Yours reads like one of those flip-books kids make, where you draw a bunch of similar pictures and flip them fast to simulate motion.
Try an experiment, and see if you can see a difference - re-write this but for every sentence you have here now - write two. And do not advance the plot any more than you have in this little chapter here.
Then, repeat that process a few times, and before you know it, this chapter will be a few thousand words longer than it is now, with a fuller feel, and one that doesn't feel like we're being rushed.
To use a sports analogy, reading your stories is like paying to go see a football game but then only being shown a 2 minute highlight reel when we wanted 2 hours of football.
I hope this helps.