Reviewer: Bigdawg K Signed
Date: November 11 2018
Title: Chapter 1: Chapter One
Couple of things, Mel has more plot armor then a battleship as mention by Ugly, nothing ever goes wrong for her or right for her captives. If this was mere supsion of disbelief girl would be in jail or dead by now. Enough of that...
You just killed two potentailly awesome characters. Erin could of been Mel's demonstration of good intent to Adrain. Mel instead of torturing the others could of been researching on how to remove the curse and Erin could of been her freebie, and she would of gotten vast amounts of good will for even trying, but instead you go with the tired cliche of "if you don't kill this person I will kill this person (or persons in this case) how much dust did you have to clean off that one???
Also Candi, Mel could of corrupted her over chapters, the torture, trying to bring Erin back, the dispear of the others could of had the dective crack. She could in pain ask for something like, "go ahead kill me, but the next person you shrink and torture have them deserve it!", Mel could respond "maybe I think you do!" to which Candi with some defiance "what of all those rapists and murders?" as she passes out. As Candi is corrupted, Mel slowly becomes evil that feasts on evil, she becomes bolder as she hunts down with Candi's help those fel beings and shifts ever so slowly on the 'innocent' girls, she slows down on her torture, she starts treating them more humanely as she has evil that is worth the pain she inflect that she can take true delight in inflicting.
Finally Mel finds out how to reverse the curse (or finally deciedes to), Candi like the FBI agent in Boondock Saints converts to her cause, even considers Mel a goddess as she is returned to her normal self while helping Mel persue their warped vision of justice and allows Mel to curse her back to 'worshiping size' when she has free time so that she can please Mel. The other characters could be freed with their minds wiped or be part of the gang helping Mel gain more and new powers as they feed off of the corruption and filth of the world.
You could of gone so many ways, but you offed two very intresting characters for what I would consider a quick high. Shame, now this story is like everyother crush and vore one out there.
Author's Response: I did, indeed, kill two potentially awesome characters! And from a certain perspective, I'd say they fulfilled their awesome purpose -- to be thematically deleted, one right after the other, when no reader would expect that.
It sounds to me you have a story in your mind! You should write it down and make it your own. However, this is my story, and this is the avenue I want to venture down. From one angle, perhaps it does sound tired and cliched. From another, judging by your response and others, it also seems to me that you didn't want this outcome, or didn't expect it. In that case, I congratulate myself! That is the intended effect I wanted to have. What you have written down in this review is, indeed, a path I could have explored, and it's one I genuinely thought of and humored for a time. However, that isn't the story I wanted to tell. I have had no aims to write a story where Melanie "converts" or "redeems herself." She is maniacal and wicked and empowered by cursed magic. At this point in the story, there's no space in her heart to be anything other than this.
I apologize that my story has come to a head for you, but I don't apologize for the experience I made of my own. You wrote quite a detailed account of how my story could have gone, so I encourage you to write it! I really do -- I know it's easy to sound sarcastic on the internet, but I really do mean it, if that's the story you wanted, then perhaps I can inspire you to put it out there in the world. Create your own characters, tweak your own plot, and make that ending you want work! But Endless is Endless, my own story, and hopelessness is the engine. If that doesn't appeal to you, then you have unfortunately read a story that's "like every other crush and vore one out there."
I believe the "plot armor" critique, while valid, is also somewhat misapplied here. I think that it's less that Melanie has plot armor, and more so that the plot itself is to keep Melanie in control. The aim of the story, at the end of the day, is to create and showcase a character that any reader would want to see stopped. You and others want Melanie to be defeated, or for her to stop her own evil, and yet it never happens. It's painful, but that isn't by accident. I've structured everything with this element in mind, that Melanie always maintains her power and that she uses that power for malice and selfishness.
Thank you for the review! I of course encourage you to keep reading~ I hope there's more to Endless that fancies your interests that you can look past the parts that aren't up your alley. As the last dozen chapters have shown, there isn't actually that much vore and crush content, so I hope you don't mistake this chapter as the "turning point" where I just start getting crazy fetishy and violent. Well, fetishy... we might already be knee-deep in fetishy, but outright killing, not so much!