Reviews For The new kid
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Reviewer: sickpuppies Signed starstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: August 07 2014 10:52 PM Title: Chapter 1

Let me start out by saying that I like the layout of the story so far. It sounds pretty normal, but open to a lot of possibilities. Can’t wait to see where you go with it.


One thing that I noticed was your pacing. It was actually pretty good, a rare thing for a first time writer. The only thing I could say would be to add a little more detail to things.


Spelling and grammar is fine for the most part, thought there were some issues. One that I noticed was the way you wrote quotes. For example, you wrote,

"I think you would to if you were going to a new school and were only a inch tall." I replied

Whenever you write a quote that ends with a period, change the period to a comma. Assuming of course that you ass a sentence after such as “I said… or he said.” So, it should be

"I think you would to if you were going to a new school and were only a inch tall," I replied.

Just a small thing, but its hard to notice until someone points it out. My advice would be to find a book and just look over the way it had quotes written out, as there are many stupid rules that are hard to come realize.


Ugh, that turned out longer than I had wanted, but oh well. You asked for pointers right? So, just to conclude, good start, keep practicing (it never hurts), add some details (they are your friends), and I look forward to seeing how this turns out!

Reviewer: vgiv Signed starstarstar [Report This]
Date: August 07 2014 8:57 PM Title: Chapter 1

I liked this. Nothing special, or extraordinary, but it was formatted correctly, no spelling errors for the most part. Punctuation could be worked on, as well as dialogue. Nobody in high school says 'females'. Girls is used in place.


The story does not appear at first like it will have a huge plot, so I am guessing it will have no more than 16 chapters maximum.

So, other than a little out of date dialogue and a period being needed at the end of everything, I enjoyed it to what was to be expected. I hope to see more from an author with promise, welcome and good luck.

Author's Response: Thanks!

Reviewer: Carycomic Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: August 07 2014 4:31 PM Title: Chapter 1

This sounds vaguely familiar. Is this a ret-con of a story?

Author's Response: I have never been on so I wouldn't know

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