CENTURIES EARLIER ….

So it was, that in two periods in history, a boy and a giantess were preparing to play a role of hiding and chasing and eating.

Hans reached Mrs Grimble’s garden on the day in question and concealed himself until he saw the grand powerful giantess come out and call to him.

“Here I come to catch you and eat you, little trespasser,” she said.

He waited until she stood towering over his flower bed, looking in at him. She spoke a rhyme in taunting tones:

“Fee fie foe fad.

I see the face of a tiny lad.

Be you lunch or be you sup,

I shall gobble you all up!”

1976…

The day of the tournament came, and Robin was awestruck by the sight of so many giant women running across the lawns, searching for him. Most of all, he was moonstruck by the sight of tall, pretty Diana striding towards him. When she was right in front of him, she was about to bend down.

“Not yet,” he called up to her quietly, “The others are nowhere near here. Make a show of searching for me first, reaching between flowers with your fingers, and looking carefully. Then pick me up and put me into your mouth and return to the Queen.”

“Will do,” said Diana.

Robin watched her elegant fingers going through the gestures, and then closing around him eventually.

“I’ve caught you, and now I can gobble you up!” said Diana, for everyone else to hear.

This time, as he approached her adorable mouth, he felt her fingers and palm around him, placing him into her mouth as though he had no choice.

“If she’d really wanted to eat me, there would have been no getting out of it,” he thought, and this seemed to excite him some more as he reached her tongue and lay on it, while Diana took him back to present to the Queen.

“You have done well,” said Queen Hyper-lighter, “The Purple Hypno Ray Gun and Wonderland pill are yours. Now you need only choose a name for yourself to use in Robin’s land.”

“You could derive it from the pill,” said Donna.

“I think I should derive it from my mission,” said Diana, “I am to defeat and capture the creatures known as wife bashers. I shall call myself Winner Woman.”

“Since I’m the teenager, I should get sidekick billing,” said Robin Speed, “From now on, it’s Winner Woman and Boy Archer’s War on Wife Bashers.”

Diana took Robin to the beach, with the Queen and all the palace maidens there to give them a grand send-off. Diana took one quick dive in the direction that Robin indicated the Amazing Zone would be, confirmed its location, and then came up and stood in the water with Robin.

“Goodbye everyone,” she said.

“Time to ride the Diana Tongue marine express,” said Robin.

Diana took a deep breath, slipped Robin gently onto her tongue, and dived deep into the water, swam through the Amazing Zone and up to the surface. In the distance, she could see Robin’s island the Bermuda Right Angle. She opened her mouth, gasped, and then reached for Robin with finger and thumb.

“I thought I might be able to stand in the water of your land, but it’s too deep even for me,” said Diana, “I’d better put you on top of my head. Wrap yourself tight, by rolling some of my hair around you, and I’ll swim until I’m close enough to walk to your island.”

Mounted on her head, he looked at the movements of her magnificent arms and shoulders, as she swam towards the Bermuda Right Angle. Then he looked down at her rising out of the water when she was able to stand, and onto his island, where she freed him from her hair, put him down and then reduced to his size.

He looked up into her tall face and smiled.

They were both thinking the same thing: Hug.