Dalia thanked them for their help.

“Thank you!” said Diana, “It was a privilege to avert such horrors.”

“And I will see that the six ex-wives are all looked after,” said Roy, “In time they will forget some of the terror and move on and marry gentlemen.”

CENTURIES EARLIER …

Mrs Louise Grande soon returned with a glass bowl full of lettuce, onion, capsicum, cucumber and celery, picked Theo up, and placed him gently into the bowl, before carrying it to her bedroom.

“I’m going to turn in early this evening. It’s been a long day of travelling at my old size. If you sleep in the salad, you should find it as comfortable as the best mattress, and some of the flavour will be absorbed onto your skin.”

She placed the bowl on her bedside table and turned it around, until his side looked out onto her bed. She went and changed into her night gown and then climbed into bed and pulled the sheet and blanket over herself.

“Mrs Louise, this isn’t quite what I had in mind for making it up to you,” he said.

“I realise that,” said Mrs Grande, “I got the idea from an old girl of the school named Olda. She told me she once caught someone named Nils, who was helping himself to giant berries from her favourite patch in the woods. She ate him after three rounds of hiding and finding and chasing. It got me thinking. That’s why I came back to look for you yesterday. Do you remember a boy named Pixi Smith?”

“Yes,” said Theo, “I wonder what happened to him.”

“He found Wonderland shortly before he disappeared. The food made him shrink, and he came to me for help. I ate him instead. It was shortly before I got married.”

“But he hadn’t even done anything wrong.”

“I know, but sometimes it’s nice to eat a tasty little boy, just for the enjoyment of it. Obviously the one who does the eating is the one who does the enjoying.”

“Even in my case it seems far too strict a penance,” said Theo.

“Well I can hardly let a boy choose his own penance,” said Mrs Grande.

“Do I have to go through with your choice?” asked Theo.

Even as he voiced the words, he knew it was a pointless question. Her merciless use of Pixi proved that.

“Yes Theo, you do.”

“I guess I have to,” said Theo.

Then he saw her mouth open wide in a deep yawn. He looked in at her tongue. The implications for him at that point were evident.

“Goodnight, Theo,” she said, “I’m looking forward to our picnic date.”

Mrs Grande and Theo slept all evening and well into the night. The lamp on the table on the other side of the bed had lit the room dimly. Hours before sunrise, Theo awoke to see Mrs Grande tossing and turning a lot in the bed. The sight of her huge body’s movements made him wish he was lying beside her as her husband, rather than awaiting his fate in her mouth.

She opened her eyes at last and looked towards the bowl to see that he was awake.

“I can’t seem to sleep anymore,” she said, “I guess I’ve caught up on sleep by going to bed early. Do you need any further rest, or would you like to lie here and talk?”

“I’d love to talk with you,” he said, and they spent the next few hours telling each other all that had happened since they’d last known each other.

They finally dropped off to sleep again, just after sunrise, and slept in for a large part of the morning, before Mrs Grande woke and awoke Theo as well, and took the bowl of salad out into the school gardens with a picnic rug. She ate the salad, and became soporific.

“I think I need to lie down for a while before I’m ready to eat you,” she said, “You can be the second course, albeit the course of most importance. Just lie on my lips.”