Reviewer: Silent-One Signed
Date: September 11 2014
Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Welp, digging into this new chapter was interesting, first and foremost because of the unexpected viewpoint shift. I had to back-and-forward to be absolutely sure that I'd clicked on the right story!
Damn, you are a bit of a sadist, aren't you? You seem to almost like shoving your characters through emotional hurt. Not that I mind, but when those pains strike too close to home . . .
Okay, so Kenji indulges himself with pity parties and marijuana. Sounds like about half of the people I knew in high school, except we've some legitimate reason here. Interesting. I'm getting the feeling that, despite Alani's promise, Lyric's going to be finding out about this sooner rather than later. But that's just me.
It is rare that I want to breach the fourth wall. It is even rarer that this is for primarily selfless motives. At this point, though, if I were capable of it, I'd punch through that little barrier, hold my custom-made knife against Carl's throat, and get him to buy five times as much Rouean as he sold off just to present to Alani. Whatever else he may do, starving someone is not okay- there's a reason it's number 3 on the list of the most evil things one can do with a low budget. Asshat.
Anyway, as always, looking forward to the next chapter, and the moment when the hammer falls. Is it bad that I'm gleeful about it?
Author's Response: Lol, it was a bit distracting for me to switch perspective like that, especially since I didn't make it clear whose head we were in until later. It was an experiment. I doubt I'll ever switch viewpoints when writing in first-person again. If I do, I'll make it more obvious.
Seems that no one likes Carl except Alani. :)