Reviewer: Edgedej4 Signed
Date: May 17 2022
Title: Chapter 1: A Hero's Epic Beginning
Alright, great beginning structure wise. A lighthearted isekai adventure is something many will flock towards as it’s just interesting and leaves a lot of ideas to be explored or used.
Our protagonists morals are always a nice to thing to have in these stories too, as they can form nice layers of defence for allowing readers to assess his actions.
Now that being said, this is a nice start but could use some refining (keep in mind its only my opinion though.) I think you are switching between first person perspective to third person omnipresent. Which confuses the readers a bit, maybe use italics for one tense and normal writing for the other. It just needs to be clearer.
Another thing, Description needs work. Not enough showing or painting a scene and too much telling the audience. E.g Yes, telling us the lady is pretty is cool, but some more given to describe her and let the reader come to that conclusion would make it a stronger point.
Just needs more practice I think. But that’s my own interpretation there.
Author's Response: Thank you very much. Your comment helped me remember that when I copy and paste all the Italics become non-Italicized and I have to re-Italicize. This an issue I have with this website. I am a HUGE fan of Italicizing thoughts. Oh boy, I just fixed that. Thank you so much. I'll remember to check the formatting after I upload to make sure this doesn't happen again.
Yeah, I struggle with either going all in on description or all in on dialogue. I need to find a better balance on that. I added a couple of lines in the second part and I'm going to keep working on how to add a proper mix of description and dialogue.